Let us tickle your funny bone…
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles.
“Well,” said my husband, “I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.”
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks. “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” “Sure..”
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks. “No, I can toast ?” remember it..”
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?” He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks. Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!”
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs…
She stares at the plate for a moment.
“Where’s my toast?”
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. “You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms,” the clerk said. “But I filled them out last year,” she replied. “You have to fill them out every year.” “Why? Do you think I’m getting younger?”